SERIOUSLY…

Why We Watch: Frasier
Family Issues

This is among the most popular classic television shows of the past decade (1993-2004). It is also among a small handful of sitcom spinoffs that became enormously successful, emerging from the equally classic show Cheers. It introduced us to a set of memorable, quirky characters sitting around at a Boston bar.

The new show is set in Seattle and follows the life and relationships of Dr. Frasier Crane, a psychiatrist and radio talk show host who lives with his retired and disabled father. The show features his brother, Dr. Niles Crane, also a psychiatrist, a live in caretaker, Daphne and Roz, the radio station producer. The show’ brilliant writing and character development is perhaps the most psychologically incisive ever executed on a sitcom. The humor was outstanding.

Why We Watch
The most interesting element is this curious psychology of the Crane family. Imagine this: a blue collar father toiling away through a tough, urban law enforcement career happen to raise two boys who become sophisticated, urbane affected snobs. Huh? It would be like the Hilton family rearing a son who becomes Larry the Cable Guy.

Frasier highlighted the broad differences that can occur between two distinct social classes right in the midst of one nuclear family. As we watched the show we felt our personal struggles within our own family background. There are times when each of us feels like we were born into the wrong family. “I cannot possibly be actually related to these idiots!” Ring a bell?

This raises several questions. What in the name of God was the mother like? It is established that she too was a psychiatrist which might explain her fascination with husband Martin, then a detective. In a sense each of them had a career searching for answers and solving mysteries. Mom, whose name was Hester (as in Prynne of the Scarlett Letter?) obviously became the role model for her two sons, Frasier and Niles who followed in her footsteps. Clearly she is in command of the home giving her sons curious names. Martin likely resented this at some level, We see this when he decides to give his dog, Eddie a more common name.

What We Learn
Every family understands how a child may reflect parts of each parent but eventually takes on a stronger tie to one in particular. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that the Crane boys fiercely modeled their mother and detached from their father. This became clear to Dad when, after his wife died, he rarely saw his sons. Frasier moved as far away as possible, landing in Boston (where we met him on Cheers).

The Crane family may be an exaggeration of family tensions but the underlying psychology is relevant to us all. The sweetness of the show is its unfolding maturity. Over its 11 year run, these upper-crust, condescending, high-hat snoots slowly learn to form a closer bond with their salt-of-the-earth father. The show begins by focusing on family differences and evolves to a story of reconciliation.
You can laugh a lot with each episode of Frasier. But more importantly you can learn a lot from the entire story run of Frasier.

SIDENOTE
There is a term in psychoanalysis called reaction formation. This Freudian notion proposes that when an individual becomes intensely zealous toward a particular issue, it might mean that they are reacting against an inner attraction for the opposite. A person so repelled by their own unconscious thoughts can form a reaction by taking on a zeal for the opposite.
For example, someone with unconscious impulses for violence might react by becoming n avowed pacifist. Another with strong erotic drive may turn it around by becoming an activist against pornography. Think about the disgraced congressman Mark Foley who worked his entire public life to protect exploited and sexually abused children is secretly involved in this very crime.

Hope you are having a good week!

SERIOUSLY…(mmm…maybe not)

Nick Kolitis: Rumor Monger!
At the SAG Awards

One of my self-proclaimed “healed patients” is a mental health reporter & celebrity photographer for a community paper in Berkeley, California. Stationed in Los Angeles, Nick Kolitis’ column is called Rumor Mill. (This week’s entry is reprinted with permission):

Dr. Will,

- I spent the night reporting from the annual SAG awards and managed to get reasonably close - with a birds eye view of the red carpet from the window of the warehouse across the street. Too far for decent pictures but with binoculars I could see it all.

- It was good to see Eddie Murphy act like a comedian for a few seconds. After mocking a British accent he turned glum again. I was outside his house when he came out to go to the awards show and I shouted, “hey, Eddie, say something funny.” and he just looked at me and turned away. I cannot figure him out! I got a picture but one of his bodyguards was giving me the finger so I can’t use it. What’s up with that?

- Grey’s Anatomy was an award winner and what hung in the air was cast member Isaiah Washington’s absence since he is in rehab to overcome his addiction to making rude comments about homosexuality. No one likes this guy. When his name was first mentioned I happened to catch a glimpse of Paul Reubens (aka Pee Wee Herman) sittng near me at the bar and he was making the finger-down-the-throat vomit sign. Too bad my camera was not quick enough to catch it.

But the night ended on a high note!!

- Well lucky me! After last year’s rejection debacle after the SAG awards I scored a ticket this year to a celebrity party last night at a posh Bennigans. I had a great time rubbing elbows with some of my all time favorites including Elivira, Vanilla Ice and RuPaul! And I got to sit and have a beer with the guy from the Capital One commercials. He wouldn’t let me take a picture of him, though saying he didn’t want it known that he was there. All in all it was a magical night.

Well, now I have to gear up for the Academy Awards. It will take all my power, imagination and connections to gain good access. If you have any contacts, please send them along!
In the meantime, I’m out,

That’s how I roll

Nick Kolitis Hollywood Reporter

SERIOUSLY…

A Reflection for the Week
A Battle of Limited Wills

The news headlines feature the contentious battle of will between the Democratic Congress and President Bush over what has been done in the Middle East. While there is general consensus among our representative and public opinion that the war in Iraq is a failing endeavor, the President insists that we can prevail using the military.
I am certainly deeply skeptical about what we have done and how we have become so isolated in the world.

How in the name of God have we gone from the world’s galvanized sympathy in 2001 to our status as lonely pariah, hated in the Muslim world and even disliked among our traditional allies?

Am I missing something? Maybe…

What I do know is that public discourse is mean spirited and unproductive. Hate speech on each side has inflamed passions and stalled our progress toward finding a consesus about how to ensure our collective security. I keep thinking that if we could just get partisan, media millionaires to just shut their yappers and let civilized voices give fair debate a chance, we can make better progress.

The level of public discourse is strangled by the fear of losing the party's Base. I am sick of The Base. Let's tell each side of The Base, "Thanks for the input. Now take a cool shower, sit down and shut up! No matter whose base you belong to, try actually listening to some other opinions with an open mind for once."

What Should We Do?
It’s easy to succumb to our personal passions and line up on one side of an issue. But the reality is that most of us really don’t know all the facts. Beyond what we read in the news or see on television it seems likely that my information is partial and sketchy to be sure. What does the President know that cannot be told? What don't I know?

Through all my years in graduate school, drummed into me was the value of critical thinking. But this notion does not mean being reactively critical to all that I find disagreeable. It means taking a healthy skepticism of everything I confront - especially my firmly held ideas.

Putting my thinking to the test involves listening honestly to opinions that vary from my own. It’s easy for me to swim in my own world of ideas and to be “critical” of those on the other side. But intellectually honest thinking demands that I especially put my own ideas to the critical test.

What are your firmly held ideas? Do you demonize those who stand opposed to your notions or do you openly listen for their reasoning? If we could start there, life would remain civil even as we debate.

In civil dialogue the passions are confined to the ideas. Passions are not to be casually used as a weapon to demean, ridicule and dismiss opponents.

I do take seriously the caution in the command to love my neighbor as I love myself … even my enemies! … Hmmm.

Have a Peaceful Week

SERIOUSLY…

Why We Watch: Leave It To Beaver
A Wordy Analysis About An Erupting Adolescent

A Futile Sibling Rivalry: The Beaver's Smoldering Rage
Even if you're young it is likely that you have heard of this iconic television show of the idyllic 1950’s. Leave It To Beaver (1957-63) began its run 50 years ago this week. And for any raised by "Baby Boom" parents, this program gives a glimpse into the early dynamics shaping Mom & Dad’s beliefs. The show gives you insight into the convictions that Ward defined, June obeyed, Wally idealized, and, sadly, Beaver struggled to achieve. Beaver announces to America: “get ready for my post modern world.” And this may surprise you, but …
it provides an early forecast of the Clinton Presidency.

Theodore “Beaver” Cleaver was, in many ways, a sad little boy. A doughy, ne’er-do-well, little oaf, Beaver was victimized with having a sibling of enormous potential. Not that Wally was a great prodigy. But he was a young man who embodied every ideal that his father and the American middle-class lionized. He was handsome, athletic, articulate, and full of charisma. Beaver was pudgy, clumsy, and tongue tied.

What Becomes of Beaver? A Possible Life Scenario …
When the show ends, Beaver is just entering puberty and interestingly, this is when life in the Cleaver famiy would have really taken a sharp turn. As he struggled to separate from his parents, their obvious adration of Wally would become crystal clear to him, and he would begin to get in touch with his deep anger. But Beaver is the type to with hold his feelings. It is doubtful he would rebel in a dramatic, anti-social manner as a teenager. He was more likely to become passively enraged, perhaps depressed.

Beaver is the type who might remain frozen in adolescence, continuing to be involved in activities well beyond their appropriate time. He might keep a paper route until he was 17, and remain in the Boy Scouts after high school. As part of his unconscious retaliation against his parents, Beaver would have lived at home with them into his late twenties. He would infuriate Ward and June with poor academic achievement, slothful behavior, sloppy personal habits, and perhaps even dramatic weight gain. His hostile passivity, sluggish negligence, and gnawing presence would heap hot coals of punishment on Ward and June. Like his nickname, Beaver would have gnawed away at the legs of his parents until their marriage fell like a chewed oak.

Rather than leaving to attend “State” like Wally, he would more likely attended a local college, taking six years to finish his bachelor’s degree. Beaver would be the first in the family to experiment with drugs, protest the war, pursue an immature marriage, get divorced, and enter therapy in his thirties to alleviate his eroding, depressive anger.

One of the blessings for Beaver would be the social eruption of the late 1960’s. The unpopular war in Vietnam and social cataclysm it ignited would have galvanized the Beaver. It would serve to raise doubts about, and ultimately discredit, many of the value norms that constricted Beaver as a young man. Much of what Wally saluted was now called into question. Beaver’s sympathy for the anti-war movement would enrage his father and buttress Beaver’s own self-esteem.

And What of Eddie Haskell?
Among the most memorable characters from the show, Eddie Haskell seemed to have a personality disorder that would have stymied him as an adult. He certainly struggled with his conduct as a child and adolescent. Devious and manipulative, he seemed detached from the feelings of others except to manipulate them for his own gain.

Eddie would have had problems in occupational and social functioning. At best, he would become someone who repeatedly tangled with co-workers, causing strife on the job, thereby thwarting his own success, ultimately a pathetic, self-defeating loser. At worst, he might deteriorate into a petty criminal, or, in a massive reaction formation, become a police officer or a crossing guard.

All in all, the Cleavers and their friends depict the early life of a deeply troubled generation.
I know! It spawned me!

Have a great day!

Are you on the losing end of a sibling rivalry?

SERIOUSLY…

State of the Union
uh oh!

What is the state of the union? In general, fairly pukey. Things seem to be stagnant with the government unpopular and perhaps even incompetent.

President Bush seemed subdued in his presentation and the country seems poised while waiting to see how things shake out in Iraq and here at home. It makes many want to just tune it all out, change channels and watch something else.

My recommendation is to distract yourself with TVLand, carrying you back to another time and place. Things seemed more stable back in the days of classic television. Instead of the hyper-stimulation of playing the violent Call of Duty III on your XBox, lose yourself in simpler activities.

Where are we going?
It’s difficult to get a beat on whether we are progressing toward a better world or crashing into a tar pit of despair and death, all the while we amuse ourselves with games, distractions and debauchery. For me the jury is still out.

TODAY IN HISTORY
Fifty-years ago today the Frisbee as invented. This brilliant little toy captured the imagination of people and dogs with bandanas around the world. It was a simple device and has occupied hours of leisure time. Billions were sold. How quaint it seems compared to today’s sophisticated electronic toys.
(For more Click Here)

It is staggering to reflect on the changes in life today when compared to life in 1957. The revolution in daily life over the past fifty-years affects every phase of our existence.

In the news of 1957, West Side Story opened and featured what appeared to be tough thugs who were, by today’s standards, weenie Fonzie’s who could be clipped by an average high school senior. The Ford Edsel - likely the crapiest car ever made - debuted. There were a limited number of car models available and most of us knew all the brands and styles.

On television in 1957 the most popular crime drama was the sanitized Dragnet, featuring Sgt Joe Friday's monotone droning thorugh civil conversations with perps. Today we have the graphic C.S.I. series depicting autopsies. Back then Children’s programming included the cheesy puppets Kukla Fran & Ollie and the inane Howdy Doody. Now we have the dysfunctional Simpsons and The Family Guy. Sitcoms were Leave it to Beaver & The Jack Benny Show, but today they are My Name is Earl & Scrubs. And for variety we have gone from the tightly censored Ed Sullivan Show to the deranged, delusional circus American Idol.

Even sports have evolved - ah, devolved. In the NFL Football 12 teams played 12 games. Today 32 teams play 16 games plus exhibitions. Baseball in 1957 included 16 teams compared to 28 teams today. The real difference, however is in the change in the character of our idolized professional athletes.

As far as I can tell very few athletes were arrested for serious crimes back then. Today it seems a weekly occurrence, including yesterday’s news that a Chicago judge reluctantly agreed to allow Bears tackle and gang-banging thug Tank Williams to leave the state to play in the Super Bowl.

Critical, Peripheral Lessons Learned from the State of the Union speech:

SERIOUSLY…

This Week's Psychobabble
Cannabis (Marijuana) Addiction

This past week, troubled Atlanta Falcons Quarterback Michael Vick was detained at the airport for possessing a water bottle filled with marijuana. With his career under a cloud after several incidents of eruptive behavior and erratic game performances, Vick is certainly under great personal pressure. Some rumors even indicate that he may not be the starter for the team next season. In light of these challenges he gets caught with marijuana. Evidently he is trying hard to chill out.

There are strong feelings about this particular illicit drug. Some feel it is less harmful and problematic than alcohol and should be decriminalized. Others strongly believe marijuana is a gateway to stronger, more lethal narcotics and must be aggressively banned. Whether it is marijuana, cocaine, heroine, meth or alcohol - clearly America has a persistent problem with substance abuse with millions addicted. A staggering percentage of criminals that enter the justice system each year also test positive for illegal drugs. We cannot seem to get ahead of the problem no matter how much the public is made aware of the danger of drugs.

What Does It mean?
When I was in training as a therapist in New York, my supervisor, a psychiatrist renown for his expertise on addictions said: “here we use a simple definition of an addition. It is an impulse to change our mood.”

Now applied generally this can scare the daylights out of any of us who would readily acknowledge that we use a lot of things to change our mood. But in context he was talking about choosing harmful, maladaptive mood changers that make your life worse - not better.

Whether you use illicit drugs, alcohol to excess or some other mood changing strategy, why are so many of us needing to alter our mood? What has become unbearable? And where are the other people in your life who can get you through these times when you can’t cope?

My belief is that it indicates a lack of enough close relationships. Think about reading our book Refrigerator Rights. It is a far better, utterly adaptive strategy for coping with life.

Are You Addicted to Marijuana
Think about these symptoms (taken from the DSM-IV):

1. You have recently used cannabis:

- When others pass you on the street, they make sniffing motions in the air

- You can roll a cigarette with one hand in10 seconds

- When you see a police car, your hand instinctively falls to your side and makes a cupping motion

- Your speaking voice is a full octave lower than it was five years ago

2. You experience clinically significant maladaptive behavior or psychological changes, such as:

- Impaired motor coordination: Although you are unaware of it, you walk sideways.

- Euphoria: Although you are unemployed, in deep financial debt, have few friends, and have no purpose in life, you feel fantastic!

- Anxiety: You are never not sweating

- Sensation of slowed time: You shake your wrist watch and hold it close to your ear at least once every few minutes

- Impaired Judgment: You cashed in your company retirement funds and invested the entire amount in Drakes Cakes & Hostess

- Social Withdrawal: You have turned at least two close friends into the police or the I.R.S. in exchange for reward cash

3. Within 2 hours of using cannabis, at least two of the following signs appear:

- Conjunctival Injection: Your eyes are so red and dilated that you can look directly into the sun with no negative effects

- Increased Appetite: You have never passed the Nordic Track Store in the mall without being handed a brochure

- Dry Mouth: Before you are able to speak, you must forcibly disconnect your cheeks which are always stuck to your teeth

SERIOUSLY…

The Super Bowl
Ghost Stories, Human Themes

America’s premiere sporting event. the Super Bowl finally is upon us after two sensational weeks of playoff football. The games were full of great stories. The Chicago Bears and Indianapolis Colts shook off years of frustration and finally made it to the top. And each team had to defeat a storied opponent. The Bears overcame the Cinderella New Orleans Saints with their season of destiny representing the resilience of their shattered city. And they did so behind Rex Grossman, their maligned quarterback.

The most exciting saga, however, was the dramatic comeback of the Colts against their nemesis Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. This is the team that has repeatedly denied Peyton Manning his chance for championship glory despite regular season brilliance every year. Not this time. Manning overcame the doubters who have always questioned his mental toughness, especially when it came to the playoffs. He certainly rose to the occasion with a cool comeback in the final minutes of the game to take the lead.

What Do We Learn?
Forget that the cliche is tired - watching sports does indeed connect us to larger themes in life. Competing against adversity, believing that discipline will pay off with great rewards and that determination is what separates those who triumph over life - these are all ideas that resonate with us.

No matter what you do in life, losing yourself in the drama of sports is more than a simple diversion. It engages us in wonderful stories about people who work hard and work together. And by doing so they overcome and they win. Who can’t apply that to their own life? Preparation and playing by the rules remains the surest strategy for as fulfilling a life as possible.

How are you doing on these counts?

Do people question your mental fortitude?
Here are some signs that you are NOT mentally tough:

SERIOUSLY…

Weekend Reflection
American Idol: Mocking Fools

Well over ten percent of the United States watched the opening episodes of the reality phenomenon American Idol!

Now in its sixth year, the audience knows what to expect in the opening hours. We tune in hoping to spot the winner early and to cringe at the delusional sad sacks that show up seemingly convinced that they have a chance. The majority are without aptitude. Moving without grace and singing off key, we squirm as we watch and howl at the facial expressions of the judges.

Hearing the scorching ridicule from Simon is why we watch.

Who in the lives of these pathetic youngsters is responsible for allowing them to go for years thinking they have the necessary aptitude for musical stardom? As an exercise in releasing pent up tolerance, it gets no better than American Idol rounds one and two.

When the odd-looking, pierced teenager, accompanied by her equally bizarre looking mother, sang, “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” it made me rethink my opposition to requiring a license to breed. Then again, if you are tone deaf yourself, how could you know that your child’s crooning was painful for others to hear.

My only problem with the show is the apparent cruelty displayed by the millionaire celebrities toward these sad young people, many of whom may well be intellectually handicapped. In the later rounds with contestants of higher skill learning to deal with the rejection, the withering criticism is part of the game.

I suppose everyone is owed their chance. But cruelly mocking special needs adolescents for television entertainment is a skin-crawling exploitation